If you are the target of parental abuse, you’re probably living in fear every day
of what your teen will do next, always waiting for what will set off a volcanic eruption.
My younger sister texted me and she was in fear, screaming and so upset as
the youngest son Ameer has been so abusive toward her since age 12 to now age 21.
They lived in Baghdad city , the Magical city once was and now is the saddest city
in the world which the new government and people in charge brought it 200 years
backward in Infrastructure, morality, technology wise, lots of people lost their
faith and focus, they lost their kindness and respect toward their parents and each other.
They also stop praying, worshiping and helping each o
The USA and Iran war changed the youth and the people of Iraq dramatically.
Alcohol use, drugs, and smoking have increased to 300%. Divorce jumps to
80% among young couples. Teenagers in Iraq nowadays are spoiled and feel entitled.
They are lazy and more stupid in school and academically among other Arab nations.
Killing and robbery increased by 300% due to sectarian violence and due to lack
of the rule of law, police are busy taking bribes and taking care of the government
businessmen. They act like a mall security guards , and not professional police.
All that happened after They killed Saddam and destroyed Iraq .No jobs,
No good doctors left in Iraq, no medications, and no good family fabrics like used to be.
Children sickness and illness increased to 300%.lack of good food and medicine
due to lack of jobs and good pay makes is hard for them and the feeling of hopelessness
sets in the young generation who are living in poor houses and suffering from cabin fever
and claustrophobia are making them feel angry, depressed, stressed-out,
and they show that with their relationship with their parents, partners, friends.
Once I sent a letter to my brother the post office charged him for the letter delivery,
it was a simple postcard all paid with stamps from here to his address,
Iraqi post office asking people to pay even if they went to take the letter they have to pay
!!!!!Iraqi Evil government doesn’t even allow us to send medication to
our family anymore! Yet they don’t provide many medications so they have to buy
it from Iran or the Iraqi Shia balk market that is controlled by Iranian and Iraqi mafia.
It is easier in Iraq to buy a gun than an aspirin or Tylenol.
Iraq is controlled now by Iranian regime and the mullas in about 80% in
all aspects of life, all jobs and employment must be done by their approval and
they must take bribes for each employee. Iraq now is a large open prison filled with male chauvinists.
Not so long ago Iran killed a lady just because she felt hot and tried to adjust her
headscarf and the people revolted. But we don’t hear that the USA and other
western condemn Iran , only a few lines on TV full of commercials. The people
of Iran and Iraq demonstrated against those 2 worse terrorist regimes in earth,
Iraqi Shia government the puppets of Iran and those who helped them from
Syria and Hizboalla to kill civilians and children.
So the succeeded to destroy the family fabric, the family unity and drive the youth
and teens away from worship , kindness, humbleness, parent respect, and they
fill the gap with tiktok, Facebook, and other social media directed toward those
teens so they can have more freedom to hurt their parents and demand respect
by force instead in the old fashion way, respect must be earned , not taken by force.
I think that in next 24 months we will see more revolution in Iraq, Iran, Syria,
Lebanon, more Assassinations, war in Taiwan, Sudan, Europe, Russia ,
Pakistan and many other Latin American nations as the people around the world have had enough.
The bad global economy, recession and inflation makes it even more difficult
for 3rd world countries like Iraq to recover , and even if they do recover
the bulk of the profit goes in the pockets of the mullas and the militia,
as the Iraqi oil and energy sector revenue goes.
Now I prayed hard that God can show this stupid teenager the way and he did
this stupid teenager who hit my sister got himself in trouble and a fight that lead him
have a broken jaw and a surgery and stayed in the hospital. But he took all of his anger
on his mother. My sister doesn’t know what to do.
Here in Canada families can call the police and social workers and send this evil teen
to prison or somewhere to rehabilitate. In Iraq there is no such a thing, no welfare assistant,
no UEI benefits and men can stay home way past age 40, no one leaves home,
they don’t work in lower pay jobs they feel ashamed !
I asked him once why you don’t help your mother to wash the dishes, he said it is
my mother’s job! He doesn’t cook, doesn’t wash the dishes or go to other shores,
doesn’t work and expects food from his mother who doesn’t work and his father
who doesn’t work and is lazy. I help my sister as I have helped all of them since 1980.
But soon I will be retired and the only help they will get is from God and other family members.
So this article is for my sister and all parents who have a teenager that is
so aggressive that makes them so nervous, lives in fear and is scared.
Parental abuse occurs when a child, usually a teenager but sometimes
a pre-teen engages in behavior that is abusive toward a parent. In Iraq it goes
way beyond the teenage years , some men who live in Iraq with their parents
are in their 30, 40 and even 50 years old. It happens more with male population in Iraq,
almost 90% abusive than females. So that’s why I advise any family
that does not marry an Iraqi man who has lived in Iraq since 2013 until now,
or who was raised in Iraq from 2000 until now.
I am not generalizing here but trust me, never ask your daughter to fall
in love with a donkey rather than marry them .I am not trying
to be harsh but this is the fact that I observed.
It may be a one-time incident or it may escalate in frequency,
even to the point of a daily occurrence.
It can range from verbal abuse (for example, swearing at or threatening a parent)
to intimidation to outright physical assault.
As a specialist mentioned that parental abuse is often associated
with explosive anger and rage, the abusive behavior may occur with no emotion:
a quiet, deliberate act of harm used by a teen to maintain power over a parent.
Parental abuse can leave a person feeling embarrassed, ashamed, angry,
terrified, and unsure of what to do. These are feelings that scientists call
“parent paralyzes,” feelings so intense that they overtake logic and reason and
leave us questioning ourselves and trapped in uncertainty about what direction to take.
If you’re in this situation with your child, know that you are not alone and that
you are not different in some way. We see abuse happen in every type of family
it doesn’t matter how much money you make or your background.
This type of abuse could happen in any family.
My sister’s son Ameer, I don’t want to call him my nephew because
I don’t like, respect, or acknowledge any person who hits their parents.
My sister Samira son began his journey with anger when he was 12,
lived the war situation in Iraq like other kids, no anger management as no such things in Iraq.
Then he started to hit her when he was 14 years old, and scream at his father ,
they couldn’t call the police as this is considered usual in Iraq, kids
hit their parents nowadays. no one says nothing and if you call the police no
one will show up, only if harm is done. Most cases are usually resolved by the older men and the neighbors.
Most people nowadays, including relatives, close their doors and they don’t interfere,
(not our problem attitudes) ,not like the old days where people used to help each other.
Most parents didn’t want their kids arrested but they wanted the abuse to stop.
They feel ashamed to tell others as in Iraq no one wants to show that they have
a problem or that their kids are crazy, angry, and abusive. It is a taboo, so they
feel trapped in the abusive situation. More so with older brothers who control
their sisters and sometimes they kill them as ((honor killing)). What honor is in killing!
You might say well, NOT ALL OF THEM
Well if one lady is killed due to honor killing without proof that is more than enough.
They are evil men who live in hypocrite’s society. The worst thing is
that they know from the Quran that Hypocrites go to hell, but they
still do it, because they don’t know they are donkeys and ignorant.
If your child or teen is harming you physically, or emotionally, you are being abused.
It’s that plain and simple. But how can an Iraqi woman get rid of her son or call the police?
The husband will object calling the police in most of those cases of abusive kids
who hit their mother, as the women voice in Iraq has no weight in 65 % of
the Iraqi Shia Muslim society and 25% of the Sunni Muslims,
not so much in the Christian community about 10%.
This teenager Ameer would throw things whenever he got mad, screams,
and physically hit my sister. The more the parents are silent the more
he does it as he doesn’t see any defensive hand back at him.
He is lucky I am not in Baghdad he will be in ICU.
Parents can improve the kid’s behaviour if they start early.
But when parents are busy working to put food on the table some kids will fall in the cracks.
It’s normal to feel your child is pushing boundaries to get what he wants.
Kids will ask over and over for something they want, until a parent can finally snap, “I told you no!”
What’s not typical is to feel that if you don’t give your child what she wants,
she will retaliate in a way that is harmful to you. Intimidation is a way
of frightening someone else into doing something.
It may be the words, the tone of voice, or even just a look.
Yes, kids can be defiant, even your typical child. But when it reaches a point
that your child has no respect for your authority as a parent, outright
defying the rules of your home with no fear or concern of consequences,
it’s a potential sign of escalation. Many kids can be defiant without violence; however
, extreme oppositional behavior can be part of a more serious picture.
They always blame the emotion, but this is not a child he is 21 years old
I called them teenager because in Iraq when you are 13 to 29 you are a teenager .
Teenager in attitude, in maturity, stupidity, level of inelegance, childish
behaviour, and not like here where kids go to work at age
12 and they finish the teen years at 19teen.
Most western Kids are 6 times more mature than Iraqi kids,
more mentally developed, socially developed, and they can leave
home or call the social workers to take them away.
But in Iraq there is no one to call, nowhere to go, no work to do and if they
found a or they can’t even rent a room they don’t know
what to do they are more sociopathic kids.
Bothe western kids and Iraqi kids share the same psychopathic trade.
But Iraqi kids after the year 2000 are antisocial, sociopath,
they don’t feel they belong, they have no confidence, no self worth,
they feel like a number and always dream and talk more than they do,
no innovations, they are lazy and love self sabotage. always blame others
for thier mistakes, That is my observation.
They also lost the most important elimination that our generation used to
have and that is imagination , as Einstein once said imagination
is more important than knowledge.
They confuse dreams with Imaginations; they love to dream and sleep,
and talk but no planning and no action, some have hope to be somebody
and do something good but they lack the knowhow and the intelligence to
conduct the plan, they lack confidence and self esteem. Iraqi teens like
to get married without jobs or curriers and expect their parents and relatives to help them!
When you ask 90% of Iraqi teens nowadays about traveling to work they say yes
we want to go out of this country (Iraq) most of them want that but they don’t have
language skill, no high school diploma ,or useless diplomas. Many of them
did travel and tried to run away and 80% of them went back crying home,
they miss their parents, they don’t like the cold or snow, they don’t like to
work as dishwashers and cleaners! And so on.
The worst thing is that when the Iraqi teens fail something they give up easily
and stop trying, not like the western kids ,as most of them here use
their failure to correct their planning and direction.
Aggressive and abusive behavior is not a part of typical childhood or adolescence.
It’s not a stage that your teen will “grow out of” if you ignore it.
If you’re dealing with parental abuse in your home, your child is violating the rights of others.
It doesn’t matter that it’s his parent’s rights; that doesn’t make it any less serious or illegal.
Your home is the place where your child will learn how to interact in the world.
He is learning what’s acceptable and what’s not. He’s learning about
consequences for behavior and accountability.
Poverty is the mother of problems, prostitutions increased in Iraq to 18%
due to poverty and human trafficking after the war. While the leader in Iraq is
sitting and praying to go to heaven! They forget that those who do not help their
people and make it easy for them in this life, God will make it difficult for them
to have His Grace. Again if your child is not among these corrupt Iraqi teens
I give you credit for being a good parent from an early age.
As if you don’t start to watch and adjust your kids in early life and see who his friends
are and what is he reading in social media, some will be the future terrorists.
We all were kids and had our fit and anger but not abusing our parents daily,
physically and emotionally. Our generation does have more respect toward our parents
and tradition. We had wars too, we were poor but we have less social media and
more real life social learning and face to face communications. We weren’t shy
to work in low pay jobs and we didn’t feel ashamed, as long as it was an honest job.
But when a child or teen’s behavior continues to escalate to the point of destroying
property, punching walls, shoving, hitting things near you, throwing things that
“almost” hit you, making verbal threats, or violating your personal boundaries
(“getting in your space”), this is a pattern that may indicate abusive
behavior, sociopathic, and sometime criminal act.
It is not your fault, and never too late to start adjusting the behaviour.
You have to be assertive, challenge them with reward and if they fail they
have to do shores etc. Keep their pictures when they are young and show
them that sometimes it will make them think and may correct their behavior, they need to be reminded.
Let the father, teacher, imam, priest, elder, or relative speak to them to
make them feel that it is not alright to hit anyone. and do call the police to
tell them if possible you need them to talk to the kid, some police do that
or send a social worker to do so to let the teen know that the police is only a phone call away.
Make sure that your teens are not addicted to drugs, alcohol or other substances,
as some of those drugs can cause negative behavioral issues and disorders such as
(such as ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder) .
If he and she are lonely and have no friends, try different methods to get them out
of this bubble to the real world with good people, and enjoy picnic or trip with them.
One of the hardest tasks a parent can be faced with is responding to their own
child’s aggression or abuse. It’s natural to feel torn. On one hand, it’s instinctual
to protect your child. On the other hand, nothing can push a parent’s buttons of anger,
disappointment, and hurt like a child’s abusive behavior. Some days you may feel
emotionally stronger than others. Only you can decide what you’re able
to follow through with at any given time.
Make sure your child understands your physical and emotional boundaries.
You may need to clearly state:
“It’s not okay to push or hit me.”
Make sure your non-verbal communication (what you do)
matches your verbal communication (what you say).
“If you hit me, throw something at me, or otherwise hurt me physically,
that’s called domestic violence and assault. Even though I love you,
I will call the police and you will be held accountable for your behavior.”
Remember, if your teen is behaving violently toward you now, there is the risk
that this will generalize to his future relationships with a spouse, his own children,
or other members of society, the makeup of criminal, terrorist, psychopath, a killer,
mass murderer, or a thief. You are not doing him a favor by allowing him to
engage in this behavior without consequence.
Parental abuse is a form of domestic violence. It’s a serious issue and needs
immediate attention and intervention. Domestic violence has traditionally
been characterized by silence. As hard as it is, break that silence. Get support from
family or friends – anyone you think will be supportive.
You must start now to face the fact that it is not OK to be hurt by your teen,
call the police, be assertive and ask the person to leave let them leave if they want ,
the world is full of bad wolves and they will know soon that when they are hungry,
have nowhere to sleep, sick and tired and have no one to run to they
know the value of parents and home sweet home.
On the plus side, platforms like tik tok, Instagram, face book and Snapshot
can be lifesavers for teens who feel isolated or marginalized, particularly teens
in war situation. In addition, social media helped teens feel more connected
and not as lonely during the pandemic.
But the impact of social media on youth can also be significantly detrimental
to mental health. In particular, social media and teen depression are closely linked.
Furthermore, overuse of the apps exposes teens to cyber bullying, body image issues,
and tech addiction, and results in less time spent doing healthy, real-world activities.
And while the majority of parents believe they know what their child is posting
on social media, according to a Pew Research poll, a survey of teens found that70%
of them are hiding their online behavior from their parents.
- The impact of social media on youth can be significantly detrimental to
- mental health, exposing teens to cyber bullying, body image issues,
- and tech addiction, and results in less time spent doing healthy, real-world activities.
- Some researchers theorize that the increase in social media and overall
- screen use between 2010 and 2015 could account for marked increases
- in teen depressive symptoms and suicide rates beginning in that same time period.
- Many experts believe that the constant overstimulation of social networking
- shifts the nervous system into fight-or-flight mode, exacerbating disorders
- such as ADHD, anxiety, depression, and oppositional defiant disorder.
- Teenagers on social media spend much of their time observing
- the lives and images of their peers, leading to constant comparisons,
- which can damage self-esteem and body image.
- Mental health treatment can help teens gain the skills and self-knowledge
- to heal from the underlying causes and negative
- consequences associated with social media overuse.
On the other hand, the report also showed a strong association between
social media and teens feeling depressed. Youth with moderate to severe
depressive symptoms were nearly twice as likely to say they used social
media almost constantly:
One-third of teens with depression reported constant social media use,
as compared to 18 percent of teens who did not have depressive symptoms.
Furthermore, the more severe their symptoms were, the more anxious,
lonely and depressed they felt after using social media.
Clearly, social media does not help teens who are already feeling depressed,
and seems to contribute to their negative outlook.
Steve Ramsey, PhD. Canada.