Five stages of grief

Whatever your loss, it’s personal to you, so don’t feel ashamed about how you feel, or believe that it’s somehow only appropriate to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship, or situation was significant to you, it’s normal to grieve the loss you’re experiencing. Whatever the cause of your grief, though, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.

Grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.

Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried, and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

Myths and facts about grief and grieving

Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it

 

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse

 in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

Myth: It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss.

 

Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss.

Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by

Putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

Myth: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

 

Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one.

Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others.

They may simply have other ways of showing it.

Myth: Grieving should last about a year.

 

Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from

 Person to person.

Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.

 

Fact: Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss

But that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep

The memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you.

In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more

Integral to defining the people we are.

While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.

Acknowledge your pain.
Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
Recognize the difference between grief and depression.

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.

Shock and Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will .”

Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.

Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.” Continue Reading →

Drifting away a Family estrangements are fundamental to the human story

Family estrangements are fundamental to the human story, starting the day that God tossed Adam and Eve from the garden. Likewise, in Greek mythology, there’s Electra, who murdered her mother to avenge her father, and Tantalus, who cooked his son and fed him to Olympian gods.  Then Abraham who almost killed his son Ishmael as a sacrifice just when he puts the knife on his neck , God stopped him and replace the sacrifice with a lamb.

Marriage may fall ,partners drifting away from each other, romance turn to boring life and a nutshell routine,  family cut-offs have led to painful, shattering ends: King Henry II was forever on edge fielding challenges and betrayals from his sons; Mozart’s marriage left him estranged from his father, the controlling, nagging, unbearable Leopold;  This king also killed most of his wives and broke the catholic law by marring his wife sister after killing here , that’s why he discovered the Anglican church to separate from the catholic  and make his own rules.

 The American founding father Benjamin Franklin broke from his son, William, who supported the British king. Then there was the rift between Ronald Reagan and his activist daughter, Patti; and between Barack Obama’s, Jr and Sr. the list goes on.

Estrangements between siblings are especially brutal. The sisters and Hollywood stars Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine engaged in a lifelong feud. Julia Roberts helped to fund a custody battle against her brother and fellow actor, Eric. From Cleopatra to Genghis Khan, the powerful have murdered or cut off their siblings as a matter of routine.

I’ve seen breakups in my own family. My brother and his wife, I tried hard to make them back but few years later they are departed, I blame my brother behavior for losing such a wonderful and beautiful woman. I bought them a house  and helped them so much but at the end all the money I spent didn’t help at all . When you lose respect you lose the passion and romance.

The statistics on family estrangement vary by study but are always sobering. In 2015, the psychologist Richard Conti of Kean University reported that more than 43 per cent of the 154 students he surveyed had experienced a family estrangement.

 More recent statistics come from Karl Pillemer, a family sociologist and gerontologist directing the Cornell Family Reconciliation Project. In his latest book, Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them (2020), he reports that among a representative sample of 1,340 Americans aged 18 and older, 27 per cent were estranged from a relative – including 10 per cent estranged from a parent or child, 8 per cent from a sibling, and the remaining 9 per cent estranged from a smattering of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and other relations. Half of these estrangements had gone on for at least four years. Looking only at immediate families, Pillemer estimates that nearly 20 per cent of American adults are in a state of estrangement right now.

This cold stat shows the human suffering caused by estrangement. ‘Being rejected by family, or deciding to leave, can be one of the most traumatic experiences in a person’s life, ‘writes the social work researcher Kylie Agllias in Family Estrangement: A Matter of Perspective (2016). ‘Adult children are maligned for estranging an older parent, or parents shamed for casting out a child,’ and sibling estrangements are ‘often overlooked altogether’.

Thankfully, a group of therapists and social scientists are forging a road back. One of them is the American psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of the forthcoming book  Rules of Estrangement. His interest in the field was sparked after his own daughter, then in her early 20s, cut him off. ‘It was the most painful, disorienting thing that I’ve ever had to go through,’ he tells me. He consulted a series of therapists who gave him ‘terrible, counterproductive advice, from telling me to point out all the good things I’d done for her to demanding she talk to me’.

 None of it worked so Coleman came up with a plan of his own: he would see everything through his daughter’s eyes and take responsibility for her complaints. It took a while, but the strategy was effective, and his daughter took him back. ‘We are now very close,’ he says.

A complementary perspective comes from Pillemer. ‘Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,’ he says of families after decades of research. Despite the cheery view of family depicted in media, in reality ‘most people have an ambivalent experience’, he says. As part of the research for his earlier book 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans (2012), Pillemer asked the elderly about life lessons they valued most. ‘A surprising number … talked about family estrangements as the most disruptive [and] distressing’ events of all, he says.

Finding almost no existing research on the topic, Pillemer stepped into the breach, launching a series of studies including a national survey­ and in-depth interviews. These people, who’d been through estrangement, were ‘despondent’, says Pillemer. But as the interviews continued, he ran into a minority who had successfully reconciled after 10, 20 or even 30 years. ‘For them it was so powerful, it was such a transformative experience’ that Pillemer shifted his focus to them, culling their wisdom into his new book Fault Lines. Continue Reading →

My answer to a paranormal incident in Quebec – schizophrenia

THIS IS HER STORY

I seriously need help but I don’t know who to turn to.

Be aware that I only started taking notes on the 4th of September 2020.

On the 27th of July 2020, I had to put down my cat, which I adored with all my heart.  I was still crying so much on the second day of her passing that I decided to look up pet afterlife videos on YouTube.  I fell upon one of Danielle McKinnon’s videos, and that’s when I finally felt relief knowing that my cat was still with me. 

I must say that I never stopped talking to my cat. When I would go out, I would say goodbye. When I came in, I would say hi! When I looked at the places where she often hung around, you guessed it; I talked to her.  On nights that I would watch a movie, I pretended that my cat was resting on me and would pet her back, just like we always did. 

About one week or two after the passing of my cat, I started to feel as if I had energy coming out of my fingertips.  The next day it intensified, and I suddenly witnessed first hand how we are all energy. The day after that, I could feel the energy coming out of everything! For a few days, I didn’t know what was going on and felt very baffled.  

I did not realize then how it was important for me to take notes when such and such event happened, so I might sound a little bit confused. 

One night, while I was watching a movie, I called Lea to come and watch a movie with me. Since her death, I had done this every time I watched a movie. So, I pretended I was petting her and that’s when I started to feel her whiskers, her breath and even her kissing me as she always did when she was alive.

The night after that, I couldn’t wait to watch a movie with my girl. All-day, I felt a small animal, such as a little dog or cat, walking on my feet and trying to jump on my knees. So, thinking it was my baby girl, called Lea, I kept on telling her to jump on me, but she wouldn’t; she stayed with her feet on my feet and her head on my knees, begging me to pick her up. I must tell you that I am in a motorized wheelchair, and so you can understand how it would be easy for an animal to walk and rest on my feet. 

I think it was on that same night that while I was lying in bed, I saw three figures (silhouettes). One; that I could not see very well but figured that it was my cat because I could faintly feel it licking my fingers, as she used to do—another one; going back and forth on my feet and one more that I call the guardian because it did not move. 

So, first, I discovered my cat, and then there were three cats, and then four. Also, I thought that I was going to be able to feel them only at night, but that is not the case. I can feel their mustaches, their little wet nose, and I can feel their breath anytime they are near me and even if there are people around.

Quick update: 5ft Sept. 2020. I am now surrounded by at least five or six pets. I can feel their whiskers… there is even one that seems to be very young because it is chewing on my shoes and pinched the back of my leg yesterday. Also, they are not all cats as I thought; there are also dogs and maybe even other types of animal such as rats.

The 9th of September 2020

Now I need serious help. This situation is not fun anymore.  About 3 nights ago, I counted 9 animals in my bed; that is when my problems began. This will sound absolutely impossible, but I swear to you on my father’s head, who is still alive, that what I am about to tell you is real.

The night that I could see 9 different shadows of pets, I sensed one coming up to my ear at a swift but delicate pace, and it resembled a lot like a Chihuahua that we had, my parents and I some 30 years ago. Now you may think to yourself, “So what? it’s only a Chihuahua, what harm can that do?” I am very embarrassed to tell you that the Chihuahua started licking my private parts.

On that first night of her appearance, I got it to stop, but all the days ever since, she has been continuously licking my vagina and my butthole. I swear to you this is not a joke. It is not fun at all to have this freaking ghost Chihuahua dog licking your private parts from morning ’till night.

I have tried chasing her away with sage. Since I did not want to chase away my own cat, I’ve decided last night only to purify my body, as well as my motorized wheelchair. This afternoon I think I will have no choice but to try to cleanse the whole apartment since it did not work at all.

Update the 12th of September 2020

The sage made things worse; it intensified the Chihuahua’s pace. I tried telling them that they are not welcome anymore, that they must all go. That was last night. Today, I am ignoring them, but I can still feel some of them touching me with their whiskers. As for the little corrupted one, I still feel it but faintly.

Some Paranormal chasers have told me to stop talking to my baby and any of them, to stop giving them attention. They also said I should firmly ask them to go away… but I don’t think they will. One told me to look up what an incubus was and that it should give me an idea of what I am dealing with.

Do you have any suggestions as to what to do meanwhile to protect myself?

I literally did not sleep last night and surely won’t sleep at all tonight either because I am now afraid that they will get angry with me now that I am ignoring them.

It wIll sound stupid, but I put a garlic head under the seat of my motorized wheelchair.

Do you recommend something else?

Have you ever heard of such a situation?

I need some professional help, can you help me

Sincerely  ( K.D_ )  Carol ; City: Rimouski, Region: Quebec, Canada.

THIS IS MY ANSWER Continue Reading →

Question from our reader seen 444 and experiencing poltergeist activities

 I received an email from a person, who didn’t tell me where he lives, what town and no answer to the questions I asked.

He is having some issues as he said without providing me with clear evidence, only 2 unclear black and white/chrome shaky and fuzzy pictures. He said he has footage and so on but didn’t send any part yet!

Then I emailed him and explained to him what we do and how to prove it and how we can help but I need some info, then he emailed me again and said

“You sound like you don’t believe me. I do not wish to get rid of them. I do not have fear of them nor have they tried to scare me. I see the numbers 444 everywhere I go and I have physically seen the clock on my phone switch to 4:44 for a few seconds then switch back to the original time. I just wanted to know if you knew what it was in the picture.

I know there is something with me. If you do not know that’s fine, Thank you for your time. My edited picture is already starting to fade as the other one, is yours? Rocks don’t fly across rooms and dent my wall for nothing no matter if i was on drugs. Don’t think that’s something anyone can hallucinate. The videos are too big for email and I’m not posting on Facebook.  Have a good night and thanks again, appreciate the help. “End of quote Continue Reading →