Parents who are abused by thier teens. Dr.Steve Ramsey, PhD -Public Health If you are the target of parental abuse, you’re probably living in fear every day of what your teen will do next, always waiting for what will set off a volcanic eruption. Saad Ismail- 12/3/1953-iraq My younger sister texted me and she was…… Continue reading Parents who are abused by thier teens.
Greeting from our paranormal zone blog . Why you should advertise with us? Our 180.000 and more readers are diverse from all walk of life , covering wide range of skills and professional backgrounds. Our blog have wide range of varieties of topics and section that attract people to different interests and topics. We encourage…… Continue reading Advertise your products here with us
The Train of Death-my father true story. Dr.Saad Ramzi Al- Hashimi, PhD This is to the memory of my beloved father as it is his birthday, he lived and died in Baghdad at age 76. In the most evil country I ever encountered. Back in Iraq where we used to reside in the fifties,…… Continue reading The Train of Death-my father true story.
The other side. Dr.Saad Ramzi Al- Hashimi, PhD This is in the memories of all the children who shot dead and murdered by guns ,because the other side dont believe that gun can kill people. Did you ever ask yourself why that the souls of those who have already put aside their physical bodies do…… Continue reading In the memories of all the children who shot dead by guns in USA
Why we hate? Dr.Saad Ramzi Al- Hashimi, PhD You are an honest employee working with colleague who is a bigot and a harasser of other technologists and workers and always negative person. . From their first interaction, John didn’t like the way she talk and act as she is the boss, and don’t respect other…… Continue reading Why we hate?
Spirit’s attachment & breakup of your families Dr.Saad Ramzi Al- Hashimi, PhD Spirit attachments on people with whom we have close emotional ties with such as; wife, husband, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, spirits will continually try to separate the possessed person from all those around them. And that is not a wife’s tale, it is…… Continue reading Spirit’s attachment & breakup of your families
How can we support our friends emotionally? Dr.Saad Ramzi Al- Hashimi, PhD In these days, people losing thier jobs, laidoff, afraid from what will happen in the time of inflation and uncertainty. Some of your friends might going throw divorce, separation, funeral arrangements, bankruptcy, losing a child or a pet, fighting cancer and chronic illness,…… Continue reading How can we support our friends emotionally?
demons Demons verses saints: detail of a painting by Andrea di Bonaiuto, Cappellone degli Spagnoli. Since the dawn of human civilisation, mankind has attempted to rationalise its primeval fear of the unknown by creating order out of chaos and by categorising its understanding of the concept of death. Nowhere is this more apparent than in…… Continue reading Demons and Jinn
This is in the memory of Asther the nice jewish lady who used to help us in baghdad . Farhud or fahood , it was like the equivalent of the glass night in germany for the jewish ; Kristallnacht or the Night of Broken Glass, also called the November Pogrom, was a pogrom against Jews…… Continue reading Farhud (fahood ) the Iraqi Jewish massacre
HELP LINE HERE WITH US IS for FREE, I can help you in this time of uncertainty , sadness, stress, anger issues, depression, and severe anxiety
Dear Friends, and readers
For many people who have recently lost a loved one, the very sight of leaves falling from the trees in This winter with covid still in the Air and China virus killing millions and destroying lives and economy, fear sets in and the worse than that is increasing level of anxiety from fear of death, contracting china virus, and losing loved one over, the upcoming holiday season.
The closer we get to December, the greater the pain and loneliness which often creates the impression that the holidays may be impossible to survive.
To make matters worse, it seems that we are left alone with these feelings, because it is not appropriate to discuss a sad topic like grief, sadness, stress and anger and we left alone to deal with denial, shock, anger and depression ,mourning during the holidays when everyone around us is carefree and happy, or pretending to be happy.
The loss of life is worse but it can be devastated also when you lose your job, divorce your partner or lose your pet. Crying seems the only comfort you have at this moment.
So how to “survive” those first holidays after the loss of a significant person or element in your life? You can email me , here in my blog and I will do my best to help you guide you for free , you are not alone, and you need someone to listen to your pain and help you to navigate the difficulties
If you are in a situation where you can’t cope you can email me for help. If I do not answer immediately or replies right away, please understand that we receive hundreds of emails a month.
I can also direct you to social worker or clinical psychologist and hope I can help you to realize that this life is a short trip and we must do our best to help each other, be kind to one another and point the facts and not fingers. Remember that in extreme stress, anxiety and depression you are weak and the paranormal senses can be very strong and you think you are losing your mind.
Steve Ramsey, PhD, Public Health, PgD-Natural Health ,
MSc medical ultrasound, BSc diagnostic imaging. Diploma in Radiology, Diploma in Sonography, SPI Physics teacher online, and MSK hands on instructor. Author
Paranormal researcher, expert and investigator, and Blogger
Does Chemistry feeling secure a good relationship ;The answer is NO
There are 6 key areas that couples need to connect on to stay together happily long-term.
They are compatibility, having common goals, moving at the same pace through life, the right timing , attraction to personality and admiration ,– and one other mysterious ingredient that is arguably the most important of all: Chemistry (SPARKS, ROMANCE) and that is LUST factor.
If you have a Lust at first sight, Instant attraction, feeling really comfortable around someone after exchanging two words this is the start of sexual lust relationship but not secure you to last long, As many are divorced , abused, dumped by those who have a great chemistry with .
IT IS ALL BULSHIT AND PURE LUST, IN 99.9% OF THE TIME, it’s fun and that’s it. It allow them to use you, use your body and then dump you after few years.
Finding yourself ignoring the hot person trying desperately to talk to you ,and instead feeling an irresistible urge to kiss their unattractive friend.
Feelings like you know someone’s soul when your eyes lock.
And there’s a simple way to tell if you’ve got it with your partner: if you have to think too hard about it, you haven’t.
Chemistry is instant: it’s either there right from the start or it develops rapidly.
Apart from being none-too-subtle, chemistry is illogical, irrational and out of our conscious control – which is why it can land us our perfect match or in scalding hot water.
It starts when you are child, teen and growing you perfect this false picture of you in bed with someone , the person you like and what they suppose to look and do etc. Y
our parents, family members and your culture can lead you to be repulsive away from your kind and look for a different culture to make yourself fit and belong. Even if that means leaving your culture, heritage, family and religion you still go and sleep with that person and possibly marry them.
Chemistry doesn’t care if this person will dump you after three nights, divorce you after 5 years or drift away after 9 months, you don’t look ahead if you will live with him/ her in a nutshell, or be his maid and sex salve and yet you allow them to use you will pleasure .
This happen to those who have abused childhood, family raped and sexual abuse while in their teen. Also to those who want to change their skin and culture by associated themselves with other cultures, find them so attractive even if they are from different background, skin color, and different faith.
Chemistry works on a primitive level – like whether your body wants to get close to theirs. In the animal Kingdom we see more of this.
IT IS PURE LUST.
It’s involuntary and feels delicious, which is why it’s so frustrating when we find chemistry with people we know we shouldn’t (your best friend’s husband, your friends boyfriend, your priest, your teacher, doctor, or the police man who come to the hospital or the EMS nurse ,etc
By the time you are 50 plus years you will find that all these chemistry was all lust and temptations.
While chemistry alone won’t guarantee you a great relationship , it is a good recipe for a sexual lust relationship .Many women want to be dominated, slaved without knowing and they refuse to admitted otherwise . That is why we see so much abuse, hurt, depression, suicides by those men and women in these kind of relationship , not all by majority of them.
Many women confuse lust with chemistry as If you’ve only made love once or twice with a deep, tonsil-touching kiss doesn’t end with both of you ripping your gear off in the lounge room, it is not a good sign and chemistry, well it is lust, pure and simple.
Burning loins, frantic underwear removal, snogging in inappropriate places – if you’re not doing it in the beginning, you sure as hell won’t be six months down the track (let alone 5 years on the road , when your man drift away from you it is the end .
So chemistry have a shelf life and not many women knows that ( shelf life), the smart woman should read about shelf life of chemistry before even start . Smart men should know that too and keep the chemistry burning with a good shelf life and not burn the sparks at once.
If you’re both emotionally healthy and don’t have any hang-ups, my honest answer is, not usually. But there are exceptions.
If you’ve had bad sexual experiences that have made you afraid of sex, you might be too scared to feel passion. in case of sexual abuses , especially here in Canada and USA where many women sexually abused as a child or teen by family member, stepfather, a boos at work , a teacher etc.
You probably won’t have ‘chemistry’ with any partner, not just this one.
Or perhaps you’ve been hurt one too many times and fear that if you give all of yourself (commit your heart, mind and body) you’ll never survive if it happens again.
In those situations, it’s worth getting some therapy and seeing how you feel afterward.
Otherwise, think about whether this person should be your partner than you chemistry imaginary man.
Can a good relationship develop when all you have in common at the start is the frantic urge to shred the sheets together?
You bet it can! Sexual attraction is incredibly powerful but you need to give a chance to that special friend who you kept in the corner as friend only.
If you’re working through the Kama Sutra for the sixth time and still don’t know the names of their brother and sister (or even if they have any), it’s a pretty safe bet it’s lust.
If you’re still spending most of your time having sex but have at least emerged long enough to meet each other’s significant friends and family, hang in there.
CHEMISTRY in scientific term; involves the elements and compounds composed of atoms, molecules and ions: their composition, structure, properties, behavior and the changes they undergo during a reaction with other substance.
So both of you are the main elements that have sexual lust and compounds, the properties that attract you to his/her negative or positive values it changes you and dissolve your emotion to be one after reaction in sexual lust.
The hydrogen and oxygen lust each other to compound and reacts to make water, cool and smooth water ,yet the hydrogen is infallible gas and the oxygen is allowing this gas to burn even more both reacts to ignite and spark toward relaxing result and that is water.
So the result of this chirms try in human is to burn the hidden sexual energy and urge to be shared with strangers to reach the ultimate cooling and relaxation , and that in turn lead to addiction and so in human many men will leave you , dump you and go find better suitable more sexual partner to spark with.
SO DON’T BE FOOLED BY CHEMISTRY ALONE.
My mother Holy book and the black stone; Without light, you slowly rotten from the inside, without God you allow the dark energy to seep into your body and it will reflect on your behaviour as a human. You do not notice it at first because the evil one work silently and relentlessly to coarse your spirit by getting you in his darkness.
Your brain and mind knows the truth and you have a choice to decide but you always follow the temptation and ignore the obvious and the danger, you let it go until it is too late. Then you will be noticing the change in your personality with increasing temperament, anger, fear, lack of patience, greed, lies, negative disrespectful personality, driven to lust and self destructive behaviors.
Leaving those who truly love you and care for you because you think that there is no romance and sparks, there is no chemistry and common interests between you and it is all the work of the devil to distant you away from the good people toward lust and self destruction.
The created universe is made of 68 % of dark energy, and 27% of dark matters their power lies in their ability to go unnoticed, like the black halls. The stars, suns, moons and all other planets make about 5% of the seen universe and the human been make about 0.03% and that is a scientific fact.
Up to 60% of the human adult body is water. According to H.H. Mitchell, Journal of Biological Chemistry 158, the brain and heart are composed of 73% water, and the lungs are about 83% water. The skin contains 64% water, muscles and kidneys are 79%, and even the bones are watery: 31%.
Males of average height have about 4 grams of iron in their body, females about 3.5 grams.
Heavier elements were mostly produced much later, inside of stars. Hydrogen and helium are estimated to make up roughly 74% and 24% of all baryonic matter in the universe respectively.
Considering that this is a nuclear physics discussion, you might have guessed that the answer comes from the nuclear properties of iron. It happens that iron, and its closest neighbors, have the largest “binding energy” out of the 7000 different Isotopes.
Binding energy is simply the amount of energy we need to give to the atomic nucleus to break it apart into the protons and neutrons it’s made of. High binding energy means it’s harder to break this nucleus; it simply prefers to stay the way it is. On the other hand, a nucleus with low binding energy will be easily transformed into a different nuclear species, a different isotope or even a different element. In nature, this translates into having more of a particular type of element (high binding energy) and less of another (low binding energy).
Iron and its neighbors (elements between 22-30) occupy the top 38 places in the binding-energy ranking . And this basic nuclear property affects the stellar processes that create elements in the Universe. As a result, the heaviest stars will create an iron core in their centers, but never go beyond that. A lot of the stellar processes will end around iron, and therefore matter accumulates in the form of iron or its neighbors.
I think that the dark energy and dark matters in the universe are a small mini / microscopic sub particles I called (VACUUM PARTICLES) smaller than helium.
When you turn on the light in your room the darkness disappears at once, the darkness do not stay and go slowly but it will go away. That’s why in the presence of God and his angels the darkness and the devil will be gone; otherwise they will be dead and destroyed.
When the light switched off the source of that energy is gone but the light photons and the energy of that light still linger on, it loses energy and they become invisible light I called it dark energy.
This dark energy almost 2 third of the universe is telling me that once the 2 third of the angels who are light fought and defeated ,those who followed the devil which was third of the angels ( falling angels) and that the dark matters was a result of the defeated negative energy.
I believe that one day human will discover that most of the dark energy is positive energy and dark light, darkened photons. And that the most of dark matter are in fact a negative energy sub particles. Some of those particles can turn on and off from positive to negative and vise versa. ( Steve Ramsey)
I had a dream once back in 1973 ,I dreamt that 2 angels came to me holding my hands one from each hand pulling me nicely and telling me that God want to talk to you . I was so afraid I told them please leave me but they took me and I saw a large cloud in the sky came and stood over us and then God spoke from behind the clouds and told me WHY I LEFT MY PRAYERS AND MY WORSHIP TO HIM? The sound was an amazing power with light and thunder coming from the cloud.
How you know God that I left my prayers? (I did stopped and quiet my worship and prayers to him for a while at that time).
I know everything, I see and hear everything, and the voice answered me.
Then they asked me to go back, so I ran so fast and jumped a fence and hide under a tree. When I look up at the tree I saw golden apples so I took one and put it in my pocket and kept going in this new garden.
My dad told me that it is my guilt and subconscious mind trying to tell you that I did something wrong and that I must go back to the prayers. My mother told me God truly can speak to us in a dream or other ways and she believe that it is God who said that. So went back to my prayers and worship until this day.
I asked my Mom how about the fence and the golden apple, she said jumping a fence means that I will travel and leave my country which I did and immigrated to Canada.
The golden apple she said it indicates success, and bountiful rewards are, apple also is a test of our faith, as Adam and Eve was tempted by it. Gold is glitter of life, and the jumping fence also means that I will pass my test and overcome all obstacles, my mother said. She was great dreams analyzer and she helps me to become one too.
In time I did overcome my Anxiety, fear, and self-doubt when I moved to Canada and started from scratch, learned the language and gained the experience and all the degrees I wanted to get and accomplished my dreams. Every time I feel sad and lonely I remember my mother and her advice, her protection and guidance and it made feel better and push back the dark forces as hope ,love and kindness is part of the positive light that push all the dark energy that overwhelm our thoughts and cloud our thinking .
I remembered my mother room and her small side table where she used to put her Holy book on the top and small dark stone in the second shelf. She used to say that the holy book is God light, God words, and the dark stone is represent our bad deeds ,our heart of stone ,and she reminded me that we must always go with the light ,and avoid the devil so we don’t be like him . In time about few years the dark stone became little white in color!
I asked my mother where is the dark stone. She said still in the same place!
No mom, this is white stone! I am looking for the dark one. My mother said after many days of prayers and worshipping God I hold the stone and send blessing to it, as the stone is part of God creation too.
In time when God accept your worship his blessings spells over everything and change it, that when you know you are increased in faith and you are in God side when you start changing yourself to be good things around you change too.
Whatever your loss, it’s personal to you, so don’t feel ashamed about how you feel, or believe that it’s somehow only appropriate to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship, or situation was significant to you, it’s normal to grieve the loss you’re experiencing. Whatever the cause of your grief, though, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.
Grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.
Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried, and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
Myths and facts about grief and grieving
Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse
in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
Myth: It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss.
Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by
Putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
Myth: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one.
Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others.
They may simply have other ways of showing it.
Myth: Grieving should last about a year.
Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from
Person to person.
Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.
Fact: Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss
But that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep
The memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you.
In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more
Integral to defining the people we are.
While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
Acknowledge your pain.
Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
Recognize the difference between grief and depression.
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.
Shock and Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will .”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.
Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”
We are all have bad days .Your car breaks down, you wait two hours at the doctor’s office, a nonsensical policy change is announced at work, you sit on your glasses, and you start making dinner and realize you’re missing an essential ingredient. Forgot you mask and then started to get worried about covid .forgot to feed your pet and you are in the middle of the road toward your work etc. what if we did this or that, makes tired and lose sleep and it can lead to depression
I woke up feeling tired, I blamed the cold and the snow, I did shovel and cleaned the snow from my front garage and the garden large patio .I was angry that winter here is too long almost 8 months. I lose my beautiful garden and song birds; the summer is too short in Calgary. Maybe I should move to BC. Your mind gives you so many scenarios and option but the reality is that I can’t move now until I sale my house and that will happen in 18 months, 3 weeks and 16 hours from now. Who’s counting anyway, LOL?
Researching this topic was a real eye-opener for me. I feel as though I’ve learned so much about emotions in general, and more than that, it’s opened up a new level of acceptance for myself and the way negative emotions present in my life. DONT LOOK BACK, DONT WORRY ABOUT THOSE WHO DONT CARE FOR YOU, you pray for them and wish them all the best , but karma will get them one day and show them how they were wrong about you and how they made a bad choice . This is their lives and not yours so keep focus and keep going .
I’ve definitely fallen victim to thinking that negative emotions need to be banished from my emotional repertoire and felt that they lessened my emotional intelligence through how I react to them. Learning that not only are they completely normal, but with a little bit of work, openness and curiosity from me, I could learn to develop better compassion and control.
If there is one thing I want you to take away from reading this article, it’s the compassion piece for your full capacity to experience emotions as a human being. Negative emotions are an extremely important part of our existence. Be open to them, embrace their part in your life and learn to incorporate them in proactive ways. Remember to respond rather than react, and I’m confident you’ll find new ways of approaching these emotions with authenticity and positivity. LOVE THOSE WHO HATES YOU, CARE FOR THOSE WHO ARE UNGRATEFUL, TEACH THOSE WHO DIDN’T TEACH YOU, help those who didn’t help you in moderation, and always show the genuine compassion of your soul
Please e mail me here in this blog and tell me your story your solution and your methods .
Family estrangements are fundamental to the human story, starting the day that God tossed Adam and Eve from the garden. Likewise, in Greek mythology, there’s Electra, who murdered her mother to avenge her father, and Tantalus, who cooked his son and fed him to Olympian gods. Then Abraham who almost killed his son Ishmael as a sacrifice just when he puts the knife on his neck , God stopped him and replace the sacrifice with a lamb.
Marriage may fall ,partners drifting away from each other, romance turn to boring life and a nutshell routine, family cut-offs have led to painful, shattering ends: King Henry II was forever on edge fielding challenges and betrayals from his sons; Mozart’s marriage left him estranged from his father, the controlling, nagging, unbearable Leopold; This king also killed most of his wives and broke the catholic law by marring his wife sister after killing here , that’s why he discovered the Anglican church to separate from the catholic and make his own rules.
The American founding father Benjamin Franklin broke from his son, William, who supported the British king. Then there was the rift between Ronald Reagan and his activist daughter, Patti; and between Barack Obama’s, Jr and Sr. the list goes on.
Estrangements between siblings are especially brutal. The sisters and Hollywood stars Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine engaged in a lifelong feud. Julia Roberts helped to fund a custody battle against her brother and fellow actor, Eric. From Cleopatra to Genghis Khan, the powerful have murdered or cut off their siblings as a matter of routine.
I’ve seen breakups in my own family. My brother and his wife, I tried hard to make them back but few years later they are departed, I blame my brother behavior for losing such a wonderful and beautiful woman. I bought them a house and helped them so much but at the end all the money I spent didn’t help at all . When you lose respect you lose the passion and romance.
The statistics on family estrangement vary by study but are always sobering. In 2015, the psychologist Richard Conti of Kean University reported that more than 43 per cent of the 154 students he surveyed had experienced a family estrangement.
More recent statistics come from Karl Pillemer, a family sociologist and gerontologist directing the Cornell Family Reconciliation Project. In his latest book, Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them (2020), he reports that among a representative sample of 1,340 Americans aged 18 and older, 27 per cent were estranged from a relative – including 10 per cent estranged from a parent or child, 8 per cent from a sibling, and the remaining 9 per cent estranged from a smattering of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and other relations. Half of these estrangements had gone on for at least four years. Looking only at immediate families, Pillemer estimates that nearly 20 per cent of American adults are in a state of estrangement right now.
This cold stat shows the human suffering caused by estrangement. ‘Being rejected by family, or deciding to leave, can be one of the most traumatic experiences in a person’s life, ‘writes the social work researcher Kylie Agllias in Family Estrangement: A Matter of Perspective (2016). ‘Adult children are maligned for estranging an older parent, or parents shamed for casting out a child,’ and sibling estrangements are ‘often overlooked altogether’.
Thankfully, a group of therapists and social scientists are forging a road back. One of them is the American psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of the forthcoming book Rules of Estrangement. His interest in the field was sparked after his own daughter, then in her early 20s, cut him off. ‘It was the most painful, disorienting thing that I’ve ever had to go through,’ he tells me. He consulted a series of therapists who gave him ‘terrible, counterproductive advice, from telling me to point out all the good things I’d done for her to demanding she talk to me’.
None of it worked so Coleman came up with a plan of his own: he would see everything through his daughter’s eyes and take responsibility for her complaints. It took a while, but the strategy was effective, and his daughter took him back. ‘We are now very close,’ he says.
A complementary perspective comes from Pillemer. ‘Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,’ he says of families after decades of research. Despite the cheery view of family depicted in media, in reality ‘most people have an ambivalent experience’, he says. As part of the research for his earlier book 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans (2012), Pillemer asked the elderly about life lessons they valued most. ‘A surprising number … talked about family estrangements as the most disruptive [and] distressing’ events of all, he says.
Finding almost no existing research on the topic, Pillemer stepped into the breach, launching a series of studies including a national survey and in-depth interviews. These people, who’d been through estrangement, were ‘despondent’, says Pillemer. But as the interviews continued, he ran into a minority who had successfully reconciled after 10, 20 or even 30 years. ‘For them it was so powerful, it was such a transformative experience’ that Pillemer shifted his focus to them, culling their wisdom into his new book Fault Lines.