Antolophobia is defined as the fear of not doing something right or the fear of not being good enough. In other words, it’s a fear of imperfection. Telling yourself what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you reach a higher potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.
Telling your self I will never make it, or never pass the exam and there is always someone better than me will get the job will not let you progress in this life. As Jesus said “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
So all you have to do is to ask and seek, let other know what you can do and what you have to offer and that you are willing to learn and achieve to make the place and the team proud.
Get to know the part of you that tells you-you’re not good enough, Ask yourself what are you afraid of and what you want, Maybe you need independence or acceptance. The negative feeling will always pull you down, but if you try to overcome those negative feelings you are now at the door, standing in front of the gate toward your future.
Maybe you want appreciation or security. The only way to achieve self-love is to love yourself—regardless of who you are and where you stand and even if you know you want to change. You must be flexible, adoptable toward progress and ever-changing work environment but don’t do it by nose browning or climbing over others who are in the front line unfairly. You can compete but don’t cheat.
Whether that is feeling good enough, having enough, being enough, doing enough or experiencing enough. Each of these types of “enough” comes from the same striving, grasping place and are of course interlinked, but some manifest more strongly in our self than others.
To be a good Doctor, good nurse, good sonographer, good worker you need to fallow the policy and procedures, protocols, workshop manual, be prepared and think out of the box to come with creative ideas, but you always have to start with loving your self before you will be able to love others. Be kind and helpful, honest and team player and the doors will be opened one by one for you.
Have you wondered where your internalized message of “I’m not good enough,” comes from? Do you feel you give life your best, work hard, try hard, but still can’t give yourself credit? Are you constantly beating yourself up and thinking that somehow you should be more, do more, be better, and you don’t measure up in your own mind?
When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through.
It is all in you from the start when you were a child. Children are like sponges and take in their environment on emotional levels as well as physical and intellectual levels. They learn very early that if their parents are happy, then they themselves will be happier too and get more of that love they need. Children generally want peace, security, love, and harmony in their lives and need it to thrive emotionally.
Many times parents in dysfunctional families will blame their children or project their bad feeling onto their children. Narcissists do this all the time. They are internally self-loathing, but project this onto their children rather than embrace and resolve their own feelings. Your parents, those who adopted you, fostered you, and your friends are the one who molds your inner confidence, self-respect, self-love, self-acceptance in a great deal and they influence your behavior and your personality.
But you hold the key to change your self and adapt to new ideas by opening your mind, test the facts from the fake and listen to your inner self and always ask God for guidance as he will never leave you alone if you seek his help.
Children blame themselves “It must be me.” “It must be my fault if my parent is mean to me, or can’t love me.” “I must be unlovable.” So the child ends up carrying the emotional baggage of the family and takes on the burden. “If only I could do more.” They don’t question the fact that their parents are alcoholics, drug users and abusers, if they have psychological problems, the children think that because of their own behavior their parents don’t love them.
So the children of those kinds of families seek love somewhere else, some become drug addicts, bullies, alcoholics, fall in the sex web and follow bad people and fallow a self-destructive patron.
You must Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than how far you have left to go. Live the moment and enjoy life, friendship, hardship and learn as you go along in your journey to progress step by step.
Learning something new will feel stressful at first and elevate your anxiety but it will feel much more peaceful rewarding, and satisfying later as you progress, So don’t give to your negative thought. Remember that the devil is here on earth to do one thing and that is to destroy you be leading you to the fake facts and deviate you from the faith in God and lead you to poverty, sin, anger, stress, depression, and self-destruction. When you are in a state of anger, stress, depression, shame, and anxiety you will feel unloved and unable to love.
love and kindness is actually the greatest gift that you can give and receive during such times. Embrace and make peace with where you are, even if your journey is progressing at snail speed. More effort you put in your daily progress the more you get back toward the perfection.
Steve Ramsey, Ph.D. Calgary – Alberta – Canada